what now?

IMG_4028It’s an afternoon in the office. My eighth afternoon, to be exact. I started the new job last week, and, so far, things have been good. My coworkers are nice; my boss is, too. Things have been slow and mostly low stress – a good thing since I’m getting used to a new schedule.

It’s been a melancholy start, though: mellow and mild, a search for meaning. My long-term goal is still graduate school. This job – writing agreements and contracts at a water agency – pays well but isn’t what I’d hoped for. I want to teach.

IMG_4029(And yet you’ve gotta pay the bills. You’ve gotta start somewhere.)

My favorite college professor died, too – last Friday. I’ll write more about him soon, but my heart aches at the loss. I always looked to him for wisdom (believe me, he never held back), but now?

Now I have to rely on my heart, which sometimes feels so old and, then again, so young. Where will life lead next? What now?

16 thoughts

  1. I wish you the best of luck with your office job, but I also hope that it doesn’t take you away from your dreams. Whatever you do, don’t let that office job suck the soul out of you.

    • Thanks, Sreejit. It is a worthy cause and has been a good experience so far — except for the sitting part. I’ll be writing more about my professor soon. A lot more.

      Hope your weekend is off to a great start!

  2. Sorry you’ve lost a good friend, and the job isn’t what you really want to do. Sometimes you just have to grit your teeth and let the world take its course, & keep looking out for a way to follow your heart.

    • “…And keep looking out for a way to follow your heart.” You nailed it, Fraggle.

      I’ll be writing more about my Professor friend soon… Hope your weekend is off to a great start! Thank you always for your sweet comments!

  3. I am working on a post now about change. Some of it is a bit personal and it is hard to let people in on how bad things were before. But another aspect is how at times, life just gives you an overhaul. You get a new chapter and part of it means losing a lot of things that you hold dear.

    You got the idea that I was not a fan of some aspects of my previous job. You just have to figure out what you can take from it and do it to the best of your ability. But you also have to keep an eye open for something else. It took three years but I did just that!

    Have a great weekend!

    • I’m so glad you’re starting a new chapter, too, Steve. Yes, I knew you weren’t a fan of your last job. A fresh start is rarely a bad thing; we need change, too, or else life gets stagnant and we get old.

      I will look forward to your new post. It’ll be good to catch up on how you’ve been.

      Hope your weekend is off to an awesome start!

  4. I like your work set-up. Minimal and clean. Just like my desk at work, just a few pens, a few work-related books and notepads lying about. I’m one of those people who can’t function if my desk is messy.

    Sorry to hear about your favourite college professor, and that you are searching for meaning in what you do. We all need to pay the bills, and if we can do that, that’s one thing off our minds…but the thought of “more” always creeps in. Maybe we are greedy, or maybe we are ambitious, or driven, or wanting to be the best we can be. Or make a difference. I left a stable job earlier this year simply because I couldn’t stand what I was going there. Now I’m working at a certain place til the end of the year, and after that, well, it’s a rollercoaster ride again. Live and learn. Looking forward to your next post as always :)

    • We seem to be following similar paths, Mabel. I guess it often comes down to following your heart. This job is the right place for me now, but I am terrified of getting stuck and of the “What if?” I don’t want to give up greater dreams and potential because of decisions I made “temporarily” “way back when.”

      I took the pic of my desk my first day, but it is still fairly clean and empty. I can’t stand clutter. I’ll be writing more about my college professor soon. He was truly inspirational — mankind has lost one of its best.

      I hope you’re having a great weekend, Mabel!! You are always so kind to read and comment on my posts. :)

    • You’re absolutely right, Dan. These are steps along the way. This job can only lead to good, so long as I don’t led it sidetrack me from my bigger goals for forever… I’ll be writing more about my professor soon. Mankind has been diminished.

      Thank you as always for your encouraging words! You are always too kind. I hope your weekend is off to a great start! :)

  5. I like this – this is a snapshot!
    and life is like that –
    just glad you are being paid well!
    This one time right outa college I went to interview for an editorial position at a “law publishing firm” downtown Cleveland – all very prestigious and wow – two of us were competing for this job – and they set us in a room with this horrid legal document and told us to edit (this will be your job) – 30 minutes starts now! I worked on it for five minutes and then looked at the lady next to me and said – “the job is yours” this is boring and I am not going to waste my life! Walked out –
    Now, the moral of the story – you do not want to turn out like me penniless with a a whole quiver full of funny stories!
    Plow on!

    • Lol, Hoss. Yeah, I can’t see you working for a law publishing firm. Yawn! The job I’m doing is not at all creative or exciting, but it *does* require an eye for detail and other reporting skills. Basically you have to ask the right questions and clearly lay out what is expected from/agreed upon by each party. You have to spot loopholes so that nothing is unclear and, thus, a potential cause for arguments later. These are public documents, too, so they have to be worded in a way that pretty much anyone can understand. We use templates for most of our work, but the templates are just guidelines…

      I still have a lot to learn, obviously. I’ve just barely gotten my feet wet. I’m penniless now, though, so we’ll see where this leads. I’m not funny like you, so I have to earn my way somehow!!!

  6. Stay strong, positive and diligent and things will fall into place. A solid temp job is a great way to make a start and teaching will be right around the corner I am sure. Keep eyes and ears open to the worlds beauty and life’s possibilities.

    • Thanks! I know you’re right! Life never goes as planned but often turns out as it should (if we let it — and make good choices). So far this job has been awesome. :)

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