leave it to me . . .


Sometimes I feel like this guy: bumbling along, never knowing what trouble I’ll trip into next . . .

To build my blog and then abandon it because life has just gotten too dang busy.

To finally get a job I love but for that job to only be part time.

To get a part-time job I love and for that job to be more than thirty miles away. (Gas is more than $4 a gallon.)

To get a ticket for talking on my cell phone in my car for two seconds. Why can’t you go after the real trouble-makers, cops? (My co-worker’s bike was stolen from right in front of our office the same day.)

To have a clean apartment but never spend time relaxing in it (writing my blog) because I’m too busy cleaning (thinking) and exercising (thinking).

To break my boyfriend’s beautiful glass thermometer because I was trying to clean it.

To cut my finger so deeply (I could see the tendon) that I need stitches because I broke my boyfriend’s thermometer.

To cut my finger so deeply I need stitches on the weekend my brother is getting married in Tahoe. (Love you, bro!)

To be lucky enough to have a dad who’s a doctor who, it just so happens, will also be at the wedding in Tahoe this weekend.

To want to clean my car because I just can’t take the dirt anymore, despite the fact that I need stitches and my car is just going to get dirty this weekend, anyway. (We’re driving it to Tahoe.)

To want to ride my bike today because that’s just what I love to do, even if I do have a cut finger!

To beat myself up for the mistakes I’ve made, and then to just make them again.

To never give up despite making the same mistakes over and over again, because that’s just how I am — stubborn as hell.

To have just written an entire draft of this post and not saved it, then pushed save, and for it to have been deleted.

To miss reading your blogs and connecting with you (you know who you are) but to be unable to catch up with everyone right now.

To miss you all and know that someday soon I’ll be back — blogging regularly, loving endlessly.



Pictures from my brother’s wedding to come. I hope you all have a beautiful weekend!


45 thoughts

  1. “To build my blog and then abandon it because life has just gotten too dang busy” — I can relate to that.

    “To miss you all and know that someday soon I’ll be back — blogging regularly, loving endlessly. Promise.” — I hope I could be as sure that I will be back.

      • Thanks, Allwin. That means a lot. :) I wrote you something more than a month ago and still haven’t posted it. I’ll get there…

      • No problem Jess. Take your sweet little time. :-) Your posts are totally worth the wait.

        By my standards you have actually been writing regularly. I meant Subh in the above comment. He has been super busy and hasn’t been blogging for quite sometime. I miss my best friend. :-(

      • I know what you mean! Subh was one of the first blogging friends I made. I really appreciated his posts and comments. :) At least now we’re all friends on facebook!

    • Sometimes I’m not sure I’ll be back myself, Subh. The only thing that makes me think so is the satisfaction I feel (and currently miss) of creating something with words… Writing *is* me… It’s always good to hear from you, and I’m glad we’re friends on facebook even if we don’t talk a lot here anymore.

  2. i thought it was going to get worse like, “to want to clean my car.. despite my cut finger…and then get my finger infected…”

    take care of yourself, jess! don’t feel guilty in living life, enduring the ups and downs, & celebrating it’s joyous moments.

    • Thank you, Sophia. My life has changed a lot since I started this blog — all for the better. But change means adjustment, and that is exactly what I’m doing — one day at a time.

      And thank God no infection in my finger. I have photos of my dad sewing it up. Three stitches still in my finger… Hopefully they’ll come out soon.

      Thanks for your encouragement! Hope you’re having a great weekend!

  3. mmm, usually those things happens when someone is worried about something, if I could suggest u something, madame (red me with a butler voice here) it could be to try to scape at least one day to a quite place without blogging or working, to clear the mind. Regards from far away.

    • Thank you, Francis. I do try to escape — that’s my exercise time. :) But yes I’ve been worried about a lot of things lately. All will work out in its time, though… I hope you’ve been well! Thank you for the encouragement and sound advice.

  4. I love this line “To beat myself up for the mistakes I’ve made, and then to just make them again” because somewhere in life (late 30s perhaps), something clicks and instead of beating yourself up about those mistakes you begin to laugh (as do those who love you). As long as you keep things positive and moving forward, and it sounds like that is just what you are doing. Cheers!

    • Yup, Randall. Keep positive and keep moving forward. Don’t have much other choice!! I’m sure I will continue to grow as I move forward in my 30s. In fact, that’s what I hope to do all my life. ;) Hope you’ve been well! I still need to catch up on your posts!!

  5. Hope you’re doing okay, Jess. We know you’re strong and we will be waiting for you :) Sounds like you had a bad run of late…but I guess that’s life’s way of teaching us the things we need to learn and giving us experiences we need to experience, and stories to tell. We all learn the most in the hardest of times. When the time is right, things will fall into place, hang in there :)

    • Thank you, Mabel. I know you’re right. Things will work out in their time. They are even now!! Sometimes they just take longer than we’d like them to. Hope you’ve been well!!

  6. Hang in there—life gets busy! Heal up and enjoy your bro’s wedding and your new job.All the little moments of your life, good and rough. Before you know it, 20-30-40 years pass by and you’re backward…wondering….

    BTW, on the WP thing, that is a glitch WP doesn’t seem to admit occurs, but nails me all the time—even when I have a draft saved! Every time I contact WP about it, it’s like it’s the first time they’d ever heard it—and I’ve contacted them at least three times on it over the years. It helps if you occasionally copy what you’re writing (or do it all in a Word doc first) to the clipboard—pain, I know, but until they fix this, it will continue to occur. Can also do a preview every now and then and keep one out there, to copy and paste, if need be. If you get the message “Are you sure you want to do this?” or text to that effect, it’s already too late. Nothing you can do. Every time you save,look down in your log of saves, below your workspace, and you’ll see a history of all your saves. Make sure your last one registered! Many times your “Ctrl-Save” won’t take, while the “Save Draft” will…but many times *neither* will work, even if you do them and watch WP “blink” and “chase tail” (the round, running, circle) as it saves—always check that history of saves! Thing is, it just happens, and no one seems to know why. Doing it in Word first is really the only sure way to not lose your content.

    Sorry to take up so much time with the WP issue in this post, but you’re just going through a rough patch…which might indicate another “shift” in your life…?

    • Thank you! And you are so right about the WP thing. I usually draft my stuff in WP but try to copy it before clicking save. This time I hadn’t done that and, yes, it got me…

      Thanks for the encouragement. A follow-up post to this one is coming soon! Hope you’ve been well!!! :)

      • You’re most welcome! We all try to help each other out…virtually or in person. And, yes, been fine (and busy), thanks for asking! :-]

  7. Jeepers Jess! I’m sending the two ‘C’s’ with love and best wishes for a less harried week. The two ‘C’s? Oh, they are congratulations for the good things, and condolences for the bad ones, You take care, girl. No more accidents allowed.

    • Thank you, Marie! It’s about time for me to write a follow-up post, eh? The last week *has* been better, thank goodness. Hope you’re having a great weekend!

      • We had a musical festival here at the ranch, which will hopefully be an annual affair (Cherry Creek Mountain Ranch). It was fun and we met tons of people). Have I ever told you I am writing lyrics for our band? I was told they did ten of “my” songs which ! Take care.

      • No, you hadn’t told me, Marie! That sounds wonderful. I didn’t even realize you were a musician. What do you play? How many members are in your band?

      • I don’t play I just write, but thanks for the thought. There are only four regulars right now, banjo, mandolin, and two guitars, Our banjo player is great also on the harmonica, and they all sing in close harmony. I have a keyboard but it has always been just for my own pleasure. We have an incredible violin player and another who plays keyboard and occasionally a bass. They all love what they do which I suspect is a large part of their success. Good to hear from you!

      • That is wonderful! I would love to hear the band. I played piano and saxophone for years, but, like you, really only for my own pleasure. I haven’t touched either in forever.

        I’ve missed keeping up with your posts!

  8. love the way you write!! sorry about all of that:( Hang in there we all have those kind of days. Just wait until you have kids and then you really wont have time:)

  9. We’ll be here when you return. Just take care of YOU and things will eventually fall into place. Busy is frustrating but better than the alternative. Ride as much as you can, as that provides healthy meditation/thought time. Be well Jess, and see you back here soon.

    • Thanks, John. Finally got out on my bike again yesterday and Friday. It felt great. Hope you’ve been well… Your encouragement means a lot!!

  10. I couldn’t help but, share this quote with you. The quote could not be more apt in describing what most of us are going through now.

    ‘For a long time it seemed to me that real life was about to begin, but there was always some obstacle in the way. Something had to be got through first, some unfinished business; time still to be served, a debt to be paid. Then life would begin. At last it dawned on me that these obstacles were my life.’

    – Bette Howland

    It is very kind of you to want to connect with everyone.

    Don’t be worried. You have been blogging regularly. At least I think so. :)

  11. I like to plan out a portion of my day the night before. It starts off with some good intentions but after a short amount of time; I can plainly see that not much of it will be getting done. It does not sit well with me. So I have to tell myself that improvements are sometimes by feet and sometimes by centimeters.

    As for blogging, when I first started I was befriended by a foreign super blogger with a million fans. I could not believe her following! Then the posts started to space out…then one day…no more!

    Maybe she had a million followers but she had no connection to the masses. You on the other hand do and I think your heart is in the right place. If that is the case, you will be back on better terms to do what you love to do.

    We will be right here when this happens.

    Have a great weekend!

    • Steve, your comment means the world to me. My dream and highest hope is to write things that matter and to which people relate. If I have and am succeeding in doing that, well… I can’t ask for anything more.

      Hope you’re having a great long weekend. Traffic is terrible here in the Bay area!!

  12. “To break my boyfriend’s beautiful glass thermometer because I was trying to clean it.
    To cut my finger so deeply (I could see the tendon) that I need stitches because I broke my boyfriend’s thermometer.”

    I so relate to this. I did something similar to a stained glass window. The window was detached from the church and very dirty. I was charged with cleaning the window front and back. I was doing fine as long as I did not think a thought about breaking. For some reason, my thoughts went to “what if I break this piece?” I didn’t just go there, I stayed there as I cleaned. Sure enough–I broke it. So sorry! But there was nothing I could do. Never used again. In a closet in Japan or a dump by now. That was such a disheartening experience. Why did I keep thinking about breaking the piece?

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