love | shift

May 17 2013

background, change, life, loss, love, personal

grandparents aren’t supposed to die

My Nana died tonight. I didn’t cry. I have, and I will. But I didn’t when I heard the news. Some things take a while to settle in.

Grandparents are the best!

It occurred to me recently that, in the span of six months, I have gone from having three living grandparents to, now, only one. It is something that was never supposed to happen, really. Grandparents aren’t supposed to die. They’re the ones who tickle you and tell you stories and sneak you treats when Mom and Dad aren’t looking. They’re the ones with gray hair and wrinkles and sparkly eyes and easy smiles. They’re the ones who age but don’t get old, who tire but are never too tired for you.

They are, and always have been, for eternity.

Until tonight. Continue reading →

Tagged Boots Randolph, death, Elvis, Family, Grandparent, Home, memorial service, Mom and Dad, Nana, Ohio, Parent, Shopping, Teddy Bear, yakety sax, yodel

Apr 16 2013

69 Comments

dreams, life, loss, love, personal, perspective, poetry, religion

carry on

Alone I sit and contemplate
this thing that we call life:
Desires we cannot satiate,
the struggles and the strife.

I wonder why we do it now,
I wonder why we try.
I wonder why we carry on,
why not lay down and die?

I guess there’s hope—
the future, see?
Our dreams, they are
a mystery . . .

But, no.

It’s been all these years:
He’ll not return to me.

(He’s God’s, can’t you see?)

I wonder why I do it now,
I wonder why I cry.
I wonder why I can’t let go,
for him, alone, I’ll die.

Unworthy . . .

(God judge me.)

…

He doesn’t mourn for me.

…

Image: Pinterest

…

Note: I feel badly. This poem is not about death (at least not in the traditional sense), though it could easily be read that way. Please, dear readers, do not mourn for me. I did not mean to mislead you or look for sympathy.

…

Tagged Catholic Church, dream, God, Psychology, Recreation, Religion and Spirituality, Social Sciences, United States, Video Games

Apr 13 2013

67 Comments

background, dreams, Hong Kong, life, love, personal, perspective, Taiwan

success, or something like it

I ~~used to~~ feel guilty for being who I am.

I am a U.S. citizen. I was born to two loving parents who worked hard to provide for their children. I have never had to worry about food or shelter. I have never been abused, raped, or neglected. I have a college education and have been privileged to travel to many different parts of the world.

Why?

Why me? Why did I laugh as a child while other children cried? Continue reading →

Tagged Air conditioning, bridal shower, Bus driver, Construction and Maintenance, dreams, Family, happiness, Mechanical, Mother Teresa, Picket fence, success, taiwan, wedding

Mar 10 2013

41 Comments

dreams, life, love, perspective, quotes

finding a balance

I fell in love for the first time in the sixth grade. He was an “older man.” A whopping fourteen. Two years later, he noticed me. The awkward middle schooler was growing up. We wrote letters over a summer while he was in Arkansas—real, hand-written letters. We didn’t have facebook. We didn’t talk on the phone.

I used to go on walks. I’d put my cocker spaniel on a leash, and we’d go. And I’d think. I’d think about him. I was scared. No boy had ever noticed me before.

I also thought about emotions. Why did we have to have them? I had air to breathe and food to eat. Why, then, did I have to feel this way?

It’s a question I still haven’t answered.

B.B. King has had it all. He’s had success and fame, and, at 87, he’s still doing what he loves. But there’s a quote I didn’t mention in my first post. Continue reading →